i need to do a proper update soon.
okay. shopping tomorrow. and tanning on thursday. bestfriend on friday. what a busy week ahead. i love the people in my life.

pictures are on FB.
heart's on my sleeve.
i guess everything is just dandy.

face it.
YOU'RE THE BLOODY PROBLEM!

you see, i tried to find my way but i got lost. i almost had you but you ran away. i kept looking for something that i thought was there. but i guess that i was wrong. you weren't here. the dull ache, i thought that ti would fade. but it still remains. ive tried and now, its probably your turn.
they say dont seek it, let it come find you. but love is like death. you know its there and its coming. but it will never hit full force until it has arrived. i still remember how your hand was in mine. i remembered how happy you've made me. i've been trying to look for something that could possibly come as close to this as possible. but maybe, this is one of those once in a life time kind of things. and it doesn't work that way. maybe the more that i try, the more it wants to run away from me. i thought i was strong, but i've never felt weaker. because i let myself into temptations. doing things that i'm not proud of. doing things that i never thought that i would do.
i want to run away and escape. i just want to leave everything behind. but then again, what good will that do? i want to look into your eyes and say that i've done it. and that you'll look back at me and smile because you're proud of me. i want to thank god everyday that i've found you but then i wished that i never did. that first kiss, that first time. things we would do that make people think that we're mad. but it seems totally logical to us. like jumping into the pool with all our clothes on. speeding in the middle of the night totally wasted. hidden kisses at hidden parties. in the world there was only me and you and no one else. you were the only thing that i ever had and the only thing i've ever held on to. probably even after so many years. you were that one memory that i'm not letting go. you were my love and my death. you were everything. you were my life but you let yours slipped away. i tried to rid myself of you but then you'll come back stringer than ever. i think i should stop lying to myself. stop telling myself that you're gone becuase you've never left me. you're a part of me as everything else. you're that one thing i dont ever ever want to let go. you're the one thing i got right. and you're my biggest mistake.
here's to you. for all the laughter. because i've never laughed harder with anyone else than when i was with yout. thank you for the tears. because everytime i cried you wiped them away for me. thank you for the pain, because you always shared them with me. thank you for the love because you never stopped loving me.

this love that i have for you. happens only once in a lifetime.

they say love is blind,
but please dont dig your own eyes out cause you love someone.

alright, the past two days was really good. no work nothing. just spent the day chilling out. okay, maybe yesterday i did a little bit of hard work of putting together my mummy's bedside drawers from Ikea. okay, now i want meatballs. i can say that i'm not bad when it comes to fixing stuff. better than someone i suppose, who doesn't know how to read instructions. i got myself i new comic book. Elektra; Scorpion Key. which i looked for for a long time. and i got this huge ass x men book thats huge ass and leather and the price was absolutely surprising. thank you for the really early birthday present.
so it was off to dinner with the whole family. YUMMY. i think i starved myself for two days for that day. good old Peranakan food. although i miss the ones that my godma would cook. but at least it tastes somewhat the same. but there was a woman who spoiled the whole dinner mood. she found an insect in her food and she made a big fuss about it. come on la. just fucking chill. at least the insect looks better than you and your thick ass glasses. and at least its less of a snob than you are. i bet the insect is cleaner than your armpits. thats besides the point. the food is amazing and i want to bring Samantha there one day. good food!
talking about Samantha. i met her today for dinner. we haven't met in a long while and i've missed her so. i'm happy that she's happy and her glow of happiness has made me happy. HAHA.

i've got so many pictures to post that i've begun to feel so damn lazy about it. maybe i can do it tomorrow. haha. it would be a better choice. PICTURES. tomorrow then you come back ah. or you go facebook tomorrow. I GOT A NEW HIGH SCORE ON BEJEWELED!

i dont want to see you get hurt again.
stay strong.

happy birthday grandma!

i've never loved another woman more than you.

you see, i thought that the first day of school with be fun if you get to new in interesting people. it seems that i'm wrong.

anyway, now LJ is going to be for my songs. haha. i dont careeee.

its times like this i need to o home and sleep. SERIOUSLY. and i had every intention of skipping with Shakthee and go watch a movie. but i think laziness got the better of me. cause. i have no intention of leaving my chair now except to go eat. damnit.

alright, here's the thing.

me and my mother, seriously need to go for communication classes. because we can't seem to talk to each other without trying to tear each other's throat out. she says one thing and she denies saying it ten mins later. like WTF. she keeps insisting that she's right. and she has short term memory loss. meaning, SHE REPEATS EVERYTHING AT LEAST 43 TIMES. yes. God is trying to teach me to be patient. but at this rate. he's going to teach me how to be a murderer too! okay. i need to breathe.
right now, i'm very low on vitamin M. meaning money. anyone wants to donate to the vannessa lee foundation? any amount also can. i've spent so much money on comics and food. its a mirecle that i actually lost some weight. anyway. on a good note. i got 5 volumes of Grimm Fairy Tales. i think one of the best investments i've ever made. considering that i'm so in love with it. and talking about comics, i kinda lost my Mervel 1602. FUCK. one of my favourites. thats like the only comic that i have with all the aother Marvel characters. damnit. why the hell does life have to be so unfair.
i want to watch 17 again. but havent gottent he chance to do so yet. and no one to watch it with. i think my cousin is so stuck on studying that she can't watch a movie or else she's going to forget all her notes. i think i need to buy her new pants. and i need to get myself a new laptop. since we're talking about new stuff. and new bags. and new shoes. new skirts. i dont think i need new jeans. just need to lose more weight. new tops. cause what i have now is mostly tank tops and t shirts. so not lady like. new shoes. but i think i've already mentioned that. new dresses. even though i just got one. i really wanted the polka dot one. MAYBE A NEW BOYFRIEND. yeah. new things. A NEW HAIR COLOUR. alright. people keep complaining that i'm changing my colour too often damnit. I DONT CARE.

i need to shut up.

how i wish i was fifteen and hopelessly in love.

i didnt consult my diary.
i barely did anything today except to go to ikea and buy a cabinet for my mother. who thinks its funny to carry to vivo a cabinet that weighs ten kg. thank god we didnt.
i'm still waiting for him to come back. opera in the park, here we come!
what i dont get is how feelings can always suddenly creep up on you and take you unaware. but i dont like that feeling. it creeps me up for real.

so i had a wonderful dinner last night with godma and my godsis.
really wonderful.
eventhough tears flowed and harsh words were exchanged. we all realise something about ourselves.
something we should really do again.
time to consult the ever pretty diary.

IN MAY.
KEBAYA!
finally.
i'm proud to be who i am.

i want to change the way things are now. i really do.

ANYONE HAS PART TIME JOBS TO OFFER NESSA?
besides making coffee?

OMFG.

cs, call me.
i got damn good new to tell you.

i have alot inside. i really do.
i wish i could let it all out but i dont know how to do it before i suddenly break.
cause my heart is cold.
where's your hand for me to hold?
i'm waiting here for you with a picnic baskets and i'd ask the stars to shine for you.
i thought i could wait for weeks but i guess i'm wrong.
five weeks is too long to go through.
even if the next day approaches, it'll be too long.
i remember the night out with you.
oh that was fun.
but it's the curtain's cue.
and i'm coming undone.
i can't wait until you're home with me again.
i remember you next to me way back when.

I AM YOUR MOTHERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

You lift my feet off the ground you spin me around
You make me crazier crazier
Feels like i'm falling
And i'm lost in your eyes
You make me crazier crazier crazier


i miss you.



i don't think any one matters as much as you do now.
i don't want things to change despite how difficult things may be right now.
despite how these feelings are threatening to explode.
i can't change they way you make me feel.

you're like an indian summer in the middle of winter.

The Rules of the Tagging Game are:

1) Link to the person who tagged you.
2) Post the rules on your blog.
3) Write six random things about yourself.
4) Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5) Let each of the six persons know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6) Let the tagger know when your entry is up


Okay, let me put up six women I want to be. Cause I just can't be bothered to be random when I've listed out 50 random things about myself a couple of weeks back.

Anne Boleyn.
Simply because she is one woman who caused King Henry to pull away from the Catholic church so that he could marry her. She was also the one King Henry loved the most. She was one of the women in history who caused so much of disturbance to a kingdom. One could hardly wonder what was going through her mind. Incredibly smart if not over ambitious, which ultimately caused her death.




Elektra.
An assassin, trained in the ways of the ninja. Trained to kill and not be bothered about it. Died and came back to life. Holds a degree and a record of the highest kill. Not to mention the awesome body, the sais and the red outfit. Who can resist the red outfit?




Blair Waldorf.
The Queen B (Bitch) of the UES. Need I say more. She had Chuck. Need I say more? All those hairbands. Need i say more? I don't think i do.




Kelly Clarkson.
The first American Idol and the best in my books. Love her and everything about her. Her voice, her confidence and her wanting to be herself to the point where she went against Clive Davis to release her third album which was amazing by the way. But I guess it didn't do well because of all the negative press. Damn. But i would love to be her any day of the week.




Rogue.
Simply because I love her. And I love her hair. But to be her, you'd have to be strong, mentally. Because to touch would be to kill. Imagine not being able to touch someone, especially some one you love, as long as you love. Well, that sucks. If she had not kill herself by now, I'd say she's mentally very strong. Plus, she can fly.




Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Because she is an icon. I mean, who the heck can kill vampires and love 2 and look good at the same time? Only she. Simply Because I want Angel and Spike all to myself.

I tag; Rosey. Samantha. Fitri. Nasri. Christie. Tabitha.

CS im done!

P.S; there are so many more women i want to list down. but these are my top 6. i wanna be Taylor Swift and Demi Lovato and many many many many more. )):

P.P.S; i was angry with my mummy but then i decided not to be becuase she bought be an electric toothbrush!

P.P.P.S; i need new shoes!

well, i was online last night trying to do some stuff. like watch dramas and something when dave gave me a webbie. i passed it on to a few people by the way. like nasri and haruna. so i figured i'd share them with you too.

THEY SAY ONE.

so, its set up by a group of guys and this is what the blog's about.

'THEY' is probably the most impactful person in this world. Why? Because of them, 'THEY' created millions of myth that's yet to be solved. 'THEY' can be amongst us. 'THEY' can be your forefathers, your grandparents, parents, your brother, sister or even your bestest best friend. 'THEY' are the one who cause fear. 'THEY' are also the one who arouses curiousity. 'THEY' are the ones we are looking for. Cause 'THEY' say...


who said?

THEY SAY...


i'm tired and im still sick.
worst of all im missing you.
my short fuse isnt helping any.
not talking to anyone until i'm normal again.
tomorrow maybe.

warning; long post.

so, yesterday jane and i had a long day. but since she woke up late, it was not as long. we off we went to see the doctor for my weird periods. haha. a funky experience i must say. not something i would do anytime soon when women with HUGE ASS stomachs wobble around. no, something i dont want to see so soon. anyway, i'm not going to post pictures of my womb here. cause i dont understand the pictures myself. so i have medication. and i think i should be kind and show you what it is.


cause they say its specialist, i have to pay 170++ bucks.


three months worth of pills.


BIRTH CONTROL PILLS! sugar coated and dated. hahaha. to tell you not to miss it or you have funky hormones.

so off we went, running away from bishan that made me half broke, we went to town. but not before buying more medicine. one for my horrible flu, the other for jane's horrible gastric. so we went to town when jane had craving for Crystal Jade when we had pasta bare two hours before.


Jane's many medication compared to mine.


but mine was more expensive.


WHO THE FUCK CHARGES 30CENTS FOR A FUCKING CLASS OF WATER?
at least they refilled it.


OH. new sunnies from F21. loves!


happy happy dim sum steaming in a pot.


short hair version 2. yes, its the second time i've cut it in a month. hahah. not a very good pic. but be happy kaira.

oh, and i finally met dave a.k.a dunfu a.k.a toufu. so it was off to fish and co! love fish.


i'm sorry, he got possessed.


ONE BITE AND YOU'RE HOOKED!


its the second time we've tried this and we still can't manage to finish the sharkie freeze.


the one at Heeren is practically empty. i swear.


SHORT ENOUGH?


cause you're black, you're white.



HELLO N.Y.D.C!


abusive.




okay, i think i have enough of stupid pictures up here. i just have to wait for my cousin to upload subway pictures and you can see short hair version one. haha.

need to take meds now and wait for gossip girl. great.

my mother's attempt on being funny.

why dont you put you bra on you Eeyore? then he'll look sexy.

EEYORE IS ALRD SEXY!

i'm your sinner.

i just need to confess.
i do feel lonely sometimes and i just cant help myself.
right now, my sin is envy.
yes, envy. simply because i'm envious of everyone who walks past me who has their hands in someone else's.
it's all worse when you're sick. you wish that there was someone to ask you to take you meds. to bring you to the doctor even. or when you're hungry, buy you whatever you want to eat.
i'm not happy with the way i've handled somethings. but this, i didnt want. i dont know why i've been feeling like this for the longest time. loneliness. its not the best feeling to have.
the reasons why i can't write songs because they serve to remind me further as to how stupid i am for feeling this way.
the reason why there wasn't a proper update in a long time because i guess i simply wasn't up to it. looking at other people and seeing them feeling so warm inside. makes me want to cringe. in the sense that i should most probably haide and then die without anyone knowing.
i keep thinking that i should be stronger. really, i should.

ross was being all nice when she said that if i wanted, she could introduce me to her godbrother. by the name of sean/shaun. which ever way you spell it. they're all the same. and i LOL-ed on the spot. since i guess most of you would know why.

back to the point. i think, i shouldn't be looking for a relationship when i'm not ready. cause if i were to go into one now. i wont look before i fall. and that, will have repercussions for sure. i clearly remembered that last time that happened. i dont want to have my heart away from my body anytime soon.

widen my social circle. meet new people. yeah, how am i suppposed to do that when i'm sick beyond my means.

let me tell you this. my mucus, has blood in it. means i'm sick. if thats not enough justification, my leaking nose can fill up a swimming pool.

i need to have a talk with my mother about curfew.

so prom is about a few days away. i'm sure many people from rp are happy and excited about it. sorry, i'm just not a prom person. too many people. and too much fuss for me. so i didnt go to my sec school one. cause tt one had no guys. this one? simply not interested. am i going to regret it? nope. not my kind of thing.

see what i mean by i need to widen my social circle?

two more months.

am i supposed to share now?
no. somethings are not meant to be done this way.

officially on twitter.

and i'm almost done! whoo!